Wednesday, May 7, 2014

hair-raising tales about horrible haircuts

For this blog post, I am going to tell you a story. Rare, I know.
It's about hair.  I thought about not posting this story to my blog, because it's really about art and craft and design and mail, but posting a bazillion photos of my cat doesn't fall into any of those categories, so what the heck. And hair cuts should fall somewhere into the range of design and craft.

Eleven years ago, I got a great idea. I wanted a pixie cut. I wanted it bad.
I went in with a photo of how I wanted it cut, like any sane human being.
I came out with something like a bowl cut.  I remember the fourteen year old boys in 1998 having something called a "mushroom cut."

It looked exactly like that.
I haven't gone to a professional to have my hair cut since that one time, eleven years ago.

(Un-coincidentally,  that is exactly when I started wearing dresses...because I looked so much like a boy from the mid-nineties. Up until then, I dressed rather tomboy-ishly.)

Until today.
Why? Well, you may have noticed that I am a bit scarce in the blogosphere lately...and it's because I'm getting married at the end of the month.  You may have heard that planning a wedding drives potential brides crazy from the stress. This is true. Also, there is a fair amount of pressure to "look good" on the big day, so I finally caved in and went to the salon, bravely, with picture in hand, again. 
(A different salon, on the advice of a friend, of course.)

Here is the picture I showed the stylist.

I explained that I really like the diagonal line that's made by the edge of the hair.
 I said that I wanted it to look pretty much exactly like this.

She then asked me if I wanted "side bangs."
Don't get me wrong - I love side bangs on everybody else. They're super cute. On me, they'd curl up, get wacky-wavy, and get stuck in my glasses frames, to be ripped out repeatedly every time I take off my frames.  So I said no.  But really, I should have said I DO NOT SEE SIDE BANGS IN THIS PHOTO and then just run away. 

Soooo....this is what happened.
I paid, tipped her, and walked away, because if I can't communicate in pictures, I'm pretty sure words aren't going to help.

And yes, I understand that the salon would probably have someone cut it again for free...but there isn't enough left in the middle to make that beautiful, fancy, diagonal line anymore.

I'm thinking that it might be time to shave it? And then wait another fifteen years before consulting a professional.

Well, anyway. Lots of people say "I could have done that" to insult someone else's work.  But I really could not have done this - and I say that with the full authority of having spent a decade cutting my own hair.

This is what my hair looked like this morning, before my new haircut - or in other words, how it looks when I cut it myself and then let it grow out for a year while I decide what to do with my hair for the wedding.

Comment below with a crazy suggestion for what to do next with my hair
(mohawk? a fictional blend of two well-known styles?)
 and I'll pick my favorite one (on May 10th) and send you a silly postcard in the mail, featuring an illustration of your suggestion.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go blow a thousand million bubbles off the balcony.


  1. I wanted that haircut too! It's kinda like the Pob!
    You still might be able to do it if you aren't afraid to go shorter.
    I feel your pain! Bad bad things happened to me for a long time any time I went near a salon. So bad that I am totally going to write you a letter about my Britney-esque head-shaving experience. I might even send you a photo. It will cheer you up, and probably deter you from self-inflicted baldness.
    And Six wants me to tell you, "A beautiful woman with a bad haircut is still a beautiful woman!"

    1. Six's reply stuck with me long enough that I didn't do anything drastic! But I am still contemplating a shave and a wig. :D

  2. Have you tried straightening your hair to see if it gets any closer to making the diagonal line? For your next haircut I might suggest a staircase line with perfect 90 degree angles. Maybe a loft and bathroom upstairs. Good luck!

    1. Hey Yarissa! I did draw a special 'do for you. E-mail me your address if you want me to send it to you on a postcard? Although I may eventually post the drawing here. :)
      chewytulip (at) gmail (dot) com

  3. Aw, you've made me laugh a lot.

  4. I know how frustrating it is when that happens. You're stuck with that hair for months while waiting for it to grow back. Sometimes, asking the stylist if they're able to do the cut isn't enough, and you'd just have to hope for the best. Let's hope your next trip to the salon has better results!

    Earl Schultz @ Amici Style

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